Today...

Originally posted on FB on Saturday, 16 July 2011

Today is July 16th 2011. It's 2:45am  ... It's my 12th wedding Anniversary ... One of the big "firsts" ... 

<My husband> and I used to always talk about the fact that we felt so young, not like adults, and how amazing it was we had been together for 13 years married for 11 ... it felt like such an accomplishment. Such a long time to have eachother and love eachother. Now it just feels like a drop in a bucket. 

I am well aware that God knew <my husband> would not see our 12th anniversary. I know with all my heart that God has long established plans for my future. I know my husband loved me and would want me to be happy. But all of that does not change the agonizing reality that my husband is gone and I have lost a future I will never know. Plans I will never fulfil and dreams that will never come to pass. I didn't just loose my husband I lost a life time.

Let me tell you this. If you have a spouse. A mate who you love. Do not take another day for granted. It is not a cliche to say that every day, every conversation, every smile, every hug, every kiss could be your last. 

Do not disregared the unpleasent feeling reading this is giving you. Don't shake your head and think "Poor <you>" Don't nod your head and wipe a tear and then keep on with your normal. Cherish the great things in your relationship and vow this day to fix the bad! 

Don't take for granted that because you are young you will have forever to grow old together. Don't assume that because you have been married for years and years that one more day of unhappiness won't hurt or everything has been OK so far so why bother.  

12 years ago this day I had forever... my regrets are countless and my memories priceless.